Let me tell you dahlin’… dogs aren’t man’s best friend. I came home to such a mess last night. That wine glass my sister Eleanor left on my highboy last night was smashed to bits. I tripped over the nice Kitchenaid spatula I picked up at Marden’s on that last trip… and there were some empty chewed up plastic bags on the floor. That damn dog.

I wouldn’t have been as mad if he hadn’t chewed up all my find ladies undergarments that I had purchased up to Sear’s on my last trip to Bangor. I do like those Fruit of the Loom ladies briefs and he had the nerve to make a meal of them. I had asked Crimson and Clover to change the laundry over but they didn’t bother to load my Maytag again with the unmentionables from the bathroom. So, there they were, like a Christmas buffet just sitting in the laundry basket, waitin’.

My son Charlie came by for his morning coffee and I had to explain to him that that damn dog had been up to no good again. He had taken the nice Kitchenaid spatula right out of the sink, broken the wine glass his aunt Eleanor had left in the dining room, eaten my favorite Fruit of the Looms, a loaf of Wonder bread, some Halls cough drops, a bag of Humpty Dumpty potato chips, and some Orvil Reddenbacher’s popcorn (unpopped). I hooked Baxter out back and let him think about what he had done. That damn dog.

He whined for about two hours and then gave up and slept under the stairs. I went out this morning and found out that he had crapped out most of the non-food items… and apparently had gotten into one of the grandkids box of Crayolas because his shit was like a rainbow. Most friggin’ bizarre thing I had ever seen.

If I didn’t know better I would swear that my cat Mr. Belvedere, encouraged his bad behavior. I got on to my laptopper and tried to find some dog training stuff but really it ain’t gonna do any good because Baxter is just turning 13 and he is about as smart as wallpaper and not vinyl wallpaper either. He is the crappy paper wallpaper that peels off if you don’t do it just right…not smart enough to stay on the wall, mother used to say.

Mother also used to say that pets served no purpose… no purpose at’all… she said that cuz father would feed the dog under the table at dinner time… usually just the bits he didn’t like which wasn’t much. He had an aversion to cucumbers… could sense one at the bottom of any green salad and wouldn’t eat the salad if he thought it was there.

So, I guess I have to make sure that my non-food articles are put away, no glass-wear left about for him to knock over, and no food… he likes food… That Damn Dog!

I hope you all have a great evenin' and don't have a Damn Dog.

Love you all...

Rose